Day 3 of the North South Trail

Day 3 of the RI North-South Trail
In which I almost get picked up:

Day 3 on the North-South Trail

Today was not as bad as yesterday. I did a good portion of hiking on actual trails as well as dirt and gravel roads. Still, about 8 miles of today's 13 was on pavement and my feet are sore! My blisters are growing and developing personalities which is good because I need to have someone to talk to. All this nature and isolation is making me a little batty.

Tonight I am staying at a "rustic" campsite near Stepstone Falls in the Arcadia wilderness. Tomorrow's hike will bring me through Arcadia and into the Carolina Wilderness, both of which I've hiked before, so I'm looking forward to it.

Today someone actually stopped and offered me a ride! He wanted to know if I was "hiking or actually going somewhere." This was not the first time that someone intimated that I was going nowhere.

I'm wrestling with the isolation. Being alone is harder than I thought. I've just started wondering where God is in all of this. Not the isolation itself, but in my anxiety and uncomfortable feelings around being alone. It is a slow unfolding that is not "fun" but I'm hoping will be rewarding.

One other thing. In case I wasn't clear, I'm using my iPhone to post all of these updates. The phone is only on in the evening and in the morning. So far the battery is holding.

I Have Blistets!

In which I get blisters on my feet and make some very bad puns:

Day 2 of the NST (North-South Trail)

I am going to say that today was by far the worst that I am going to have for the entire trip. I am going to say this even though it is only my second day and I still have three left. Here are the reasons why:

- it was a 20 mile day

- it was mostly on pavement which is harder on the feet

- it was a 20 mile day mostly on pavement

I now have big blisters on both of my feet and I will not pop them. They will not get the satisfaction  of that. There will be no agony of de-feet. (heh)

Tonight I'm staying at a "family" campground that has at least one RV to every two people. This means no rustic sites. I even have electricity so I can charge my phone. The service is lousy, so no face-time or Skype with all of my fandom.

I have realized how isolated suburbia is on the leg of this hike. For close to 15 miles I walked in front of house after house and only said hello to two people. One was a kid running in his yard yelling, "Mommy, Mommy, a hiking man!" How often does he see people hiking by his house that he got so excited? Was I supposed to do something like a hiking some and dance for the child?

The other was an older woman sitting on her rocker on he front porch. I almost asked her for a glass of lemon aid, but I didn't want her to get off her rocker (heh).

Otherwise I didn't see anyone, or people didn't think it was right to say "hello." The houses are so far back and so distant that I don't think they would know how to be neighborly. Or maybe it is because I look like a crazy person walking with his life on his back and I smell. Probably one or the other.

Tomorrow is going to be a much better day. Only 13 miles and much of that on actual trails. Lets hope I can make it.

North- South Trail, Day 1

In which I remember that there is a difference between hiking and backpacking.

Day 1 of the NST (North-South Trail). It was supposed to be an easy day of only 13 miles. I had forgotten how difficult it is to walk 1 mile with a 40+ pound pack on your back. Tomorrow is supposed to be a 20 mile day. Hooray?

I'm spending the night at the George Washington Campground - at one of their fancy backpacking sites. This means I have to walk almost a mile to get water because a backpacking site needs to be rustic. I'm am not far from a power station and I can hear the road, but at least it's rustic!

Dinner was a delicious box of Mac and Cheese with a can of tuna, and now I'm enjoying a fire (to keep the bugs away) and a tasty Pop Tart. This is the good life.

No revelations (except that my pack is darn heavy), or moments of inspiration. The night is still young, and the sound of the motorcycle on the road may speak to me yet.

I'm Going for a Walk

Today, 8/19, I am going to be backpacking the Rhode Island North-South Trail. For 5 days, 80 miles, I will be walking, and thinking, and cursing the flies and other insects, and enjoying the wilderness. I'm going to try to leave updates via my phone as long as the battery doesn't die.

I haven't done a hike like this for almost 15 years and I have to say I am excited and a little anxious. There is something about carrying everything you need on your back for five days and not having a rapid form of transport to get from point A to point B. It makes you slow down, it makes you think differently.

Such an approach is an obvious nod to the mystical traditions, the folks who would put their bodies through a ridiculous ordeal and/or eat something a little funky and a little moldy, and then have profound visions and revelations from God. Very much like hiking. I'm not going with any burning question or profound through that I want to work through, but am open to any ways in which God might speak to me. Time alone, time in isolation can bring about the unexpected.

On this trek I have decided to not read Canterbury Tales - there just isn't enough time to try to work through such a work. Instead, for kicks, I'm going to read Freud's Introductory Lectures On Psychoanalysis. Whee!

So if you see me wandering through the vast wilderness of western RI with a crazed look in my eye be kind, offer me a bit of food and maybe a ride to a coffee establishment of some kind, and tell me about your mother.

Are We Free or Are We Puppets?

A review/reflection of:

An Invisible Thread: The True Story of an 11-year-old Panhandler, a Busy Sales Executive, and an Unlikely Meeting With Destiny

By Laura Schroff and Alex Tresniowski

My heart must be two sizes too small because I did not have the reaction to this book that many other people seem to have (based on reviews that I read). I think it is a good story and could be a great story that might pull a little more, but needs work.

I’ll get right to my biggest gripe – the supposed premise of the book. The title gives away this supposed premise, and in case you have a difficult time understanding the notion of what the author(s) might mean by, “An invisible thread,” in the beginning of the book is a further explanation:

“An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, and circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle. But it will never break.” – Ancient Chinese Proverb

The problem I have with this premise is that it is not carried out consistently. Throughout the book Schroff wonders the “what if” question.

What if I never stopped to answer this child?
What if I never took him to lunch?

What if I never cared?

If there is in fact an “invisible thread” connecting Schroff and Maurice (the child in the story) then the “what if” questions are moot. It was going to happen. They were going to connect because this thread had connected them.

Schroff later suggests that it was her mother that brought the two of them together:

I’ve said I didn’t know why I turned around on Broadway and came back to see Maurice, but that is not entirely true. I may not have consciously known what was happening, but now I have no doubt about what caused me to turn around.

            I know it was my mother, looking down from high above, who steered me to Maurice. (page 148)

This is a nice way of looking at it, but now what happed to the invisible thread? Did the thread make Schroff’s mom move Schroff to connect with Maurice?

As the book continues there are moments when Schroff and Maurice drift apart and moments when they drift back together. I think this is supposed to be the example of the invisible thread keeping them connected, yet this is not strongly stated. It would have been better to show how possible it would have been for the two of them to drift apart and go their separate ways, never to connect again but for that thread. That would have made it a stronger work (although not a great one).

The question of freewill is hovering in the background of this book but never addressed. Was Schroff free to respond to Maurice or was it a thread or her mother or God forcing Schroff? Are we free to show compassion or are there moments when the Puppetmaster pulls our strings and forces our hands to act in ways which are not the norm? So often I hear people state, “God planned this, God did this, God gave me this…” suggesting that we are in a grand scheme and we are just pieces in that scheme. This especially seems to be the case when we are faced with difficulty and tragedy. Yet when we do something good we want to take credit and say we did it.

In bad times freewill is bad. In good times freewill is good.

You can’t have it both ways. I think Schroff took a chance with Maurice and reached out to him. I think she continued to reach out to him. I would even say that God encouraged her to stop and reach out and that God encouraged Maurice to listen and to begin to trust. I would not say that it was fate or that it was destined to happen. I would not suggest that there was a thread connecting the two of them and that no matter what they would find each other and be connected to each other. That is just corny, cheesy crap.

I think the story would be stronger if we followed the parallel of Schroff’s and Maurice’s lives. Both faced different types of hell and both had to figure out a way to manage and deal with their hell. Rather than playing the “I never had to deal with what he had to deal with” card or the “I would never understand what he had to go through” bit, just tell the stories. Schroff’s story is despairing in its own way. The cycle of domestic violence is horrible and should not be diminished. Maurice’s story is also despairing because of a different kind of violence and despair. The two should not be compared but instead set side by side. Let the reader travel through both and let the reader realize that there is hurt and pain in almost every neighborhood and individual. Hell is hell. One is not worse than the other.

I think there is a story, a good story in An Invisible Thread, but it is not the one that is being told.

Giving Up and Letting Go

Washington DC 2013 – The Final Post (for now)

As one might expect, by mid-week I get tired and it is not the easiest thing for me to continue to post updates one each day. Let me assure all my readers that we all had a good week and made it back to the great state of Rhode Island in one piece.

For the rest of the week we taught more, played games, tried to manage chaos, and enjoyed some fun/silly time as a group. One of the pleasures of going on these trips is to see the team come together as a team. On Friday I encouraged the folks doing construction and our two cooks to take half a day and to go and see the sights. This meant the seven of us left were responsible for cooking and cleaning up from supper. If it were Monday we would not have been able to do this; we just were not clicking as a group. Yet on Friday we were like a well-oiled machine cooking hamburgers, hot dogs, serving potato salad, and keeping things moving. We may have even been too well-oiled because I think some of the oil slipped into the beans and is now churning in the stomachs of children.

On Thursday one of the 12 year old kids we were with asked me if we were being paid to be there. I told her no.

Her: “So this is your vacation?”

Me: “For many of us it is?”

Her: “Why would you do that?”

That is a great question. To be honest, it was not my vacation. I think that is one of the double-sided blessings of being a pastor. It is part of my calling to organize and facilitate such trips. I am happy to do that and see the value in these adventures. Yet do I understand what it means to give up time to go and serve?

When I take my actual vacation this summer (aside from my family-obligated trips) I am going to run off into the woods and hide away for five days or so. There is a selfish nature to this, and I own that. My profession calls me to give in a relational way, to be present for people and I am glad to do this. Yet there are times when I do need to run away, which means I will not understand what it means to give up a week of my personal time. In many ways people on the team have given more that I did.

By the last day three of the youth were beginning to ask if they could stay another week. They wanted to continue to work with the campers and were worried because there were not any other churches scheduled to help out for the rest of the summer. This was a good thing to hear. The youth did not want to stay because they loved the D.C. “experience,” but because they were beginning to build a bond with the children. They were beginning to understand and appreciate the children and were worried about them.

One of the difficult things about such trips is letting go when it is time to go. We put time and energy into relationships and now we are supposed to hope that others will continue to honor the relationships and trust that we have worked to cultivate. It is a question of trust. It is a question of trusting whether or not God is a part of the work we are doing. Actually it is a question of trusting that we are a part of the work that God is doing. Do we trust that we are a part of something bigger that just our team and that God is working with everyone who is involved? Can we let go and trust that the rest of the week will go well and the children at the camp will be better for having gone?

This is why we have video games, so we can return to our lives, dive into the pixels and binary code, and forget all that we previously did. It is an absurd kind of trust but one that is practiced daily (it is also a form of neglect, but lets not go there today).

Learning Is Fun?

Washington DC, 2013 – Day 4

Field trip day! The great thing about going on a field trip is that we don’t have to teach our “regular rotation” (no cooking class!). The not so great thing is that we all get to walk with all the kids all over creation at that fast, fast pace that kids are known to have. It is a natural defense, children walk so slow that everyone is just bored to death.

 The other not so great thing is that you get to “enjoy” the children’s theater that is meant for children.

Dramatic recreation:

Leaders - “Hey everybody, are you ready to have some fun?”

Kids – “YEAAAAAAAAH!!”

Me – “hooray”

Leaders – “We are going to learn about using words and hip-hop to express ourselves. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

Kids – “YESS!!”

Me – “zzzz…”

It was a good show, very age-appropriate, just not my age.

We also had the joy of going to the Museum of American History. It may come to you as no surprise that children really are not interested in our history that goes beyond the past 45 minutes. We managed to make things seem interesting, but not for long.

It was a good day, but a long day that, between the walking at a snails pace, trying to pretend to enjoy a children’s theater show, and trying to make history interesting, wore us out.

The workers placed carpet in half of an office, worked on more windows, and did not drop anything, break anything, or anyone. One of the workers did say that next year he wanted to bring his garage with him so he would have all of his tools on hand. I don’t know if there is a way to get all of that stuff on the train, but we’ll see.

One great note. Pastor Kasey observed that all of the people here knew why they were here. This means people are here for the sake of sharing the gospel of Christ. 

That is a great thing to hear and gives me a sense of mission while I am snoozing off during the happy, happy children’s theater production.

Is Salt Good in a Wound?

Washington D.C. 2013 – Day 3

Now with less pictures!

            We survived our second full day of camp/work. One would think that after the first day with the kids the second would be better and easier, but that was not the case. Everyone was still very tired, very slow by the end of the day.

            It started with the National Zoo. We saw many National creatures including Seals, Bears, Frogs, and Otters. It was a very moving. Or maybe it was the kids who were very moving… that is moving from one place to the next. They started with a lot of complaints about going to the zoo and then were as happy as can be at the zoo and ended with complaints about going back to the church. I cannot figure out what actually makes them happy and I don’t think I ever will.

            The work crew pulled up a carpet in the Pastor’s office, replaced windows, and got to know a local Hardware store. I have received numerous complaints from them about the existence of stairs and ladders and how they all should be removed. It is better on the knees (or so I am told).

            The kitchen folks were nowhere to be seen – something about a treasure map.

            In our evening devotional one of our youth asked the question, “where did you see God helping you today?” It is a great question, one that makes you think of those moments of vulnerability, and there were many moments of vulnerability. There were moments when folks were pushed by the kids to a point where all reasonable responses were lost, but something brought a sense of calm. There were moments when trying to fix windows or figure out the floor lead to moments of anger, but something brought peace.

            I don’t think we tend to consider those moments as moments of vulnerability. These are those moments when we get so angry that we tend to become combative and our armor goes up. That is because a wound has been touched, opened, and we are backed into a corner. We find ourselves in these places and I believe it is the work of God that brings us to a place of peace where we do not feel so threatened. From what I heard that is what many of our group experienced today. It is a good thing to know that we are in places where we are vulnerable and good to hear that many of us are experiencing the pull of the Holy Spirit and responding. Even if it has been a long and hard day, because we are aware of God’s presence I would say that it has been a good day.