Maybe I'm Just Old Fashioned

I have been thinking recently about the idea of sanctity and marriage. Not so much with gender issues but around the role and nature of the person officiating and when it is appropriate to declare a marriage sacred (thus the sanctity of marriage).

            I have officiated a number of marriages for people who are not a part of this church community and I always ask the couple why they want a minister and/or to have their wedding in a church. Invariably it is because of a sense that God is a part of their relationship and they want to acknowledge God’s presence. I cannot promise the presence of God, but when I officiate I am aware that I represent a sense of Christianity, the idea of the church, and an awareness of the activity and presence of God. When God is brought into the ritual we are made aware that there is something deep, something significant and sacramental about the commitment they are making. The bride and groom are claiming the presence and activity of the holy and sacred about their marriage (or they are just trying to please the parents/grandparents). This is an example of a sacred ritual and sanctity in marriage.

            While I cannot judge the intentions of people getting married, when using a Justice of the Peace (JP) I cannot say with certainty that there is an awareness of something holy or sacred happening in that relationship. Instead it seems to me to be more of a legal, contractual agreement between two parties. Maybe I am missing something, but a JP represents the courts and the legal system thus driving my assumptions that the ritual is not sacred but civic. While I would not describe the marriage as invalid or the commitment less than one made in a religious context, I wonder if there is a sense of sanctity in that relationship.

            What I find most egregious are the online ordination services. Places like the Universal Life Church Monastery claim that they want to make ordination available for all who feel called by God. On their website is a short video of Conan O’Brien getting ordained; I think they are missing the satire. What the Universal Life Church offers, in the name of tolerance and equality, is a quick, easy, and shallow way for someone to claim to be a minister for the sake of officiating a wedding. Yet there is no relationship with a spiritual community, no depth towards a sense of calling, and no endorsement by a spiritual/religious community. Putting all of that aside, what does it say when someone gains the electronic ordination for the sake of officiating a marriage ceremony? Can we say that this individual truly brings an awareness of the divine to the ceremony? Does the couple have a sense of sanctity of their relationship when there is no true connection to a church community? Again I cannot judge the intentions of people, but a simple observation of the practices suggest much less then an awareness of the holiness of the relationship (to say nothing of the offensive idea that a five minute ordeal equals the years of training and work of one ordained through a “traditional” church community). I wonder if a marriage officiated by an online minister can be considered sacred.

            I am not saying that all weddings need to occur in a Christian church to be consider holy, or have to have a minister. Nor can I suggest that God’s presence is restricted to marriages run by clergy. What I am suggesting is that it is hard to consider any sense of sanctity in a marriage that occurs void of any faith community. There is nothing wrong with a marriage done with a Justice of the Peace or an online minister. I’m not saying the love shared between the two is any greater or less then others. I only question if we can consider those relationships holy, blessed, or maintaining a sacramental nature. After all, that is what sanctity means, to have a holy, or sacramental nature.

            The term, “sanctity of marriage” has been bandied about recently. Let’s really consider this term and ask if it is a value of our society (common practice would suggest that it is not), and what it means to us as a people of faith. I hope you enjoyed my rant and sorry I did not get into many other aspects of this topic. I’ll let you work on everything else pertaining to marriage; let me know what you think.